home or something like it

a strange thing happened this morning.  up until this point, i've been trying to ignore the holidays for the most part.  i think about them, but try not to focus on them.  i would rather put them out of my mind and just see every day at sea as a "groundhog day" of sorts, no different from the next.  however, this morning, as i sat at the table in the wardroom eating my breakfast, and drinking a cup of pumpkin spice coffee that i had brewed in the wardroom coffee pot for everyone (the officers thank you, baby love!), for no real reason, i had tears in my eyes.  maybe it was the smell of the coffee in the air, the taste of it in my cup, or the talk of the parade, or a combination of those, but i was instantly transported back in my mind to my own kitchen, leaning up against the counter with my cup of pumpkin spice coffee that i drink this time of the year, talking with my bride, and my kids running around.  scientists say that our sense of smell is one of the most powerful senses linked to our memory, and this morning proved it.  and all of a sudden, everything that i had tried to ignore slammed into me with the force of a freight train, and i gulped down my last swallow of coffee and made a dash to the restroom to splash some cold water on my face and regain my composure.  the ship does everything that they can to mitigate the pain of being away from home, and make it as "homely" as possible.  we will have a thanksgiving meal, that we all took part in the preparation of, and have a holiday routine with nothing major going on today.  the thanksgiving day parade will be on the televisions this evening, followed by football.  throughout the day, "happy thanksgiving" has been on everyone's lips that you pass.  but no matter how much they try to make it as close to home as possible, it isn't home.  and we all feel it.  our thoughts today will be overtaken by images of our families and loved ones around tables across the country, dressed in their nice clothes, eating their thanksgiving meals.  that is the sacrifice we all make for our country's freedom.

as i fought back these emotions, it brought a very interesting thought as well.  in the movie the matrix, from which this blog takes its name, morpheus tells neo before awakening him to the truth about the matrix that he has always felt that something was off, that something was not quite real about his existence.  this is an interesting parallel to us as Christ-followers.  the bible repeatedly talks about this world not being our home, and refers to us as aliens in a strange land.  you see, as Christ-followers, our home is in heaven, and even though we can do what we can to make this world as home-like as possible, it will never feel like home to us.  there will always be something that seems "off" to us, and this world is a pale comparison to our home in heaven. 

but there are those that look around them, and like the apostle paul said, will love "this present world more than the next."  many times, we accept the cheap imitation as the real, because it is our present reality, but if we are honest, and take our blinders off, we can realize that it is not real.  in the movie "labyrinth," the goblin king offers the heroine a version of her home that looks just like her home, but she realizes that it is not real, and only a cheap imitation.  that's what this world has offered us, and many of us accept it.  why do we do this?  perhaps because it's easier to accept the here and now.  so we choose to take the "blue pill" of ignorance and live in the bliss of denial because this is what we know.  it's safe, it's easy, it takes no thought or faith, and it's familiar.  we all long for the comfort of the familiar.  out at sea, we get into a routine, and this reality becomes our focus.  to think of home is too painful, so we adapt by trying to put it out of our minds.  that is why port is always bittersweet.  it breaks our routine, and we get to do things like facetime and skype with our family members, bringing a painful reminder that our reality is not what we've made it.  so many prefer to not pull into port, or to get back out to sea so that they can get back into their routine and block home out of their minds.  they've began to love this present life, more than the next.  they know that they are stuck here until the deployment is over, so why focus on what you can't have.  that's the attitude that many of us as Christ-followers have.  we are stuck here on this earth, so make the best of it and try not to focus on it not being our home, in other words, accept it.  and by doing that, we have swallowed the blue pill, and that can have disastrous consequences.  when we settle into our present reality, we can forget what we have waiting for us.  there are those that have settled so much into their ship reality, that they have made bad decisions that affect their future reality.  over-spending online, not communicating with home, and "loving the one they're with" are the results of that chosen ignorance.  it is the same for us as Christ-followers.  when we stop focusing on Christ and our future home with Him, we accept cheap imitations of his wealth and end up in debt because of coveting.  we accept cheap earthly imitations of intimacy instead of His model of holy intimacy in marriage and daily communion with Him.  we accept cheap imitations of friendship and family instead of our permanent family in heaven and stop spreading His gospel, even among our own earthly families, for fear of offending them or being ridiculed.  we accept this cheap imitation of life, instead of the abundant life that He promises us, both on this earth, and in heaven. 

so today, i made a decision to embrace my cup of pumpkin spice coffee and the memories it brings, because that is my reality here on earth.  i am consciously choosing to focus on my family back home, no matter how painful, because my longing is to be with them.  and i will be thinking about what they will be doing today, as i eat my thanksgiving meal this evening.  because i know that they will be thinking about me.  i think about my three boys, and my bride, and what it's going to be like when i am back with them.  i encourage you to do the same with this present life.  remember that this earth is not your home, and as the song says, "you are just a-passing through."  as you attend worship services this weekend, think about your family in heaven, and what their worship service must be like, and how glorious it will be!  think about those faithful departed in your own life, and the joy of seeing them again.  i think about my 3 grandparents that are there, my friends that are there, and those now that are brothers and sisters in Christ that will be there with me, and it fills me with joy.  think about the faithful departed heroes of the faith, such as the apostles, and the greats such as martin luther, charles spurgeon, john calvin, and countless others, and the conversations you will be able to have with them when you are home.  but most importantly, think about the love of your life, Christ, and being there with Him.  on that day, we will truly have the thanksgiving feast that will far surpass any that we've had on this earth!  so happy thanksgiving to all of you.  i pray that this dose of the "red pill" has refocused you, as it has me!   

sad little tree

i am having an identity crisis.  i am a tree.  a common evergreen, usually of the spruce, fir, cedar, or pine variety that most people put out around CHRISTmas time.  for a couple centuries, i’ve been called a CHRISTmas tree, but lately, my cousins have been renamed as holiday trees.  but that is not my quandary.  CHRISTmas tree, holiday tree, festive tree, it makes no difference to me.  whatever my cousins are called, they are still used for the same purpose:  celebrating CHRISTmas.  “a rose called by any other name…” and all that.  but my existence is within a different paradigm.  some years, i am put up at CHRISTmas time.  the family decorates me and the children get excited when they see me.  the parents sit at night on the couch together and look at me in the dark as my lights twinkle in the corner of the living room.  presents are wrapped and placed under me, and i am enjoyed for the entire month of december. 

other years, i am put up in july, or september, or even february.  my branches are decorated in the same CHRISTmas fashion, and i must look odd and out of place to the world outside my home.  presents are still placed under me, but the excitement is dulled, and there is a somber mood that surrounds me.  i do not particularly care for those times, but it is still nice to be used.

but there are some years that i am not put up at all.  i sit in my box in the back of the garage and gather dust.  one year, i was put up at CHRISTmas, and i was excited as i looked forward to a month of children playing around me, being the center of attention in the room, and bringing joy to the family.  but i was taken down immediately after in the midst of tears and thrown roughly back into my box and shoved back into the garage.  this year, i sat here in my box and waited.  and waited.  and waited.  but was never retrieved.  i felt the chill in the air of december come and go, and the warmth return again, and was never allowed to leave my box.  i suppose it is because i am a reminder of what’s missing in the family during those times.  i belong to a military family, and deployments are no respecter of holidays, even CHRISTmas.  so i get neglected, and that’s ok.  i understand.  i may not like it, but i would rather stay in my box than bring sadness to people.  because i realize i am lucky.

you see, there are some of my cousins that may never get put up again.  they had the same erratic schedule that i did for years, until one day, a knock on the door changed CHRISTmas forever for their family.  now, they are always a reminder of what will forever be missing at CHRISTmas time.  i’ve heard that they’ve been replaced by little tabletop shrubs, or were never replaced at all.  so for now, i’ll settle with my erratic schedule.  although i do not like not knowing when i’ll be put up, at least i know i’ll get put up.  and while i may be a reminder of what’s temporarily missing, i know i’m not a twisting knife in the heart of a family that will never celebrate CHRISTmas in the same way again. 

so call me what you will:  CHRISTmas tree, holiday tree, festive tree, it makes no matter.  but when you look at my cousin in your living room this year, remember Who it is we represent, and say a prayer for those who will put my cousins up in a ramshackle mud hut in the desert, or a steel gray ship at sea, and see halos around their twinkle lights through the tears as they miss their families.  and remember those families for whom we are a reminder of a permanent hole in their lives every year in the month before december 25th.