the hand that rocks the cradle

somebody once told me that behind every good man, there is a good woman.  it was meant to reference the man's wife, but it actually begins much earlier than that.  there is an old phrase that says, "the hand that rocks the cradle is the hand that rules the world."  there is a reason for that phrase.  a child gets a majority of their early childhood lessons from their mother.  everything from simple lessons on how to hold a spoon, how to go to the bathroom by themselves, and how to clean their room, to life lessons such as how to treat others, love of the arts, love of sports, and how a mom and dad should treat each other.  dads have a role in some of these lessons, but for the most part, it is usually the woman that spends those early years at home teaching their kids.

moms and dads tend to love differently as well.  a dad's love is usually more utilitarian, shown by working to provide a good life for his family; but a mom's is more emotional.  moms are the ones who comfort a child when they have a nightmare.  moms are the ones who kiss away the pain of a cut or scrape.  moms are the ones that sons and daughters come to when they experience their first heartbreak of a failed relationship (and usually every relationship after that.)  moms are the ones who fix soup for their kids when they are sick.  moms take over the snack responsibilities for ball games and make the cupcakes for school parties.  moms are the ones kids run to when dad says, "no."  so it's understandable that mothers have the amount of influence over their kids that they do.

God knew what He was doing when He designed the female maternal instinct.  children are brought in the world through pain, yet instead of avoiding reminders of that pain, as most people do, moms not only spend every moment they can around those reminders, they usually endure it multiple times, because they know that the years of reward are much greater than the few hours of pain they endured in the process.  no matter how much a child may grate on a mom's nerves, one voluntary hug and kiss and an "i love you, mom" from that child can make her forget all about it.

mother's day is this weekend, and i wanted to take a moment and brag on the mothers in my life that have had the most impact on me.  the first is of course, my mom.  my mom has been a constant influence in my life, often having to occupy both the role of mother and father due to my dad's working two jobs to provide for us during early childhood.  mom stood by me during the difficult times of puberty, and while we didn't always see eye to eye on things (and still don't,) i never doubted for a second that she loved me and cared for me and wanted the best for me.  but the one thing that my mom taught me more than anything is the power of prayer.  she modeled for me a life devoted to God and Scripture reading and prayer.  every morning when i would get up and come to the table to eat my customary bowl of cereal, i would see her Bible sitting there, well worn, from her time of getting up early and spending that time alone reading and praying.  even now, i know that when my mom says she is praying for me, she means it.  she was always my voice of reason when i would find myself chasing some adventure that i thought sounded fun at the time.  she was always encouraging, and not in the sense of instilling false pride, but in a way of pushing me to do my best in whatever i attempted.  she endured many a heartbreak as she saw me go down destructive paths, and thanks to her prayers and influence, i came out of those paths and am the man i am today.  i am thankful for the relationship we have today, because there were times that she wasn't my favorite person, especially when she was correcting me and trying to teach me during those headstrong teen years.  today, i consider her a friend as much as a mom, and i look forward to those times when i get to see her and talk to her (even if i know a lecture is coming for my latest facebook post or not calling in a while.)  i look forward to living closer to her in a year, and getting to see her more than once or twice a year. 

another mom that has had tremendous impact on me, whether she knows it or not, is my mother-in-law.  my bride and i always comment on how blessed we are to have the relationships with our in-laws that we do.  most husbands dread being around their mother-in-law, but i am fortunate to not have to experience that.  mama j, as i call her, has been there throughout my bride's and my relationship, from those early years of friendship and dating, through the tumultuous years of the break-up, and throughout our years of marriage.  she has been the go-between for my bride and me as we rekindled our relationship after all those years apart.  i will never forget the conversation we had while sitting on a bench in boston, when she asked me how i felt about my bride, and she then informed me that her daughter felt the same way, and that God had to grow both of us to get us to where we were ready for the next step.  she is one of those mothers-in-law that i can pick up the phone and call or message just to say hello, and she will do the same for me.  she is a big part of the success in my bride's and my marriage.

that brings me to the other mom that has affected me more than she realizes.  my bride, and the mother of our children.  she never ceases to amaze me on what she is able to do with our boys.  due to my being gone so much in the past three years, i get home and i am clueless on how to handle their hijinx, yet she steps in and makes me look like a rookie parent!  she is not arrogant in her parenting, as great leaders never are, but our boys look up to her with an awe and love that inspires me.  she doesn't always see it, but i do.  she, like my mom, has taken on the role of both mother and father, and does an amazing job at it on a daily basis.  her creative spirit shines through whether she is looking in the pantry to piece together a meal out of things that i would think have no business going together, or coming up with a craft for the boys to do on a rainy day, or finding ways to inspire them to do something they don't want to do.  the way she gives selflessly to them on a daily basis is a true picture of the Father and how He laid His life down for His children.  our boys may look like me, but they have their mother's spirit:  that spirit of tenacity and never giving up, of treating others with kindness and respect, of seeing life from a different lens, and a love and appreciation for the arts.  somebody once said that there is not one person God has set aside for us in marriage, but i beg to differ.  God knew that i would need a woman who was independent and strong, one that would be able to handle the rough road He has called us to, and i know of no other woman more well-suited to that than my bride.  any other woman would have crumbled and given up, and there are times that i know she wants to, but she doesn't.  she perseveres, and loves our children (although, as any mother will tell you, she may not always like them!) and daily goes without showers, without personal time for herself, without eating a hot meal, and without sleep to care for them.  she may make mistakes, and readily owns up to them, but unless someone has lived her life, they have no measure with which to judge her.  i am blessed to have her as the mother of our children, and as my bride, and i look forward to being back home with her to stand beside her and marvel as i attempt to help but only complicate.

there are many others i could mention that have served as second, third, and fourth mothers for me, such as mama bee, mama d, and a variety of others.  all of you have a special place in my life, so from me to you, happy mother's day.  to try and fit all of the praises due into one day is asinine, but try we will.  i pray that all of you have a wonderful day, surrounded by your children's love, whether they are with you or not, and know that you are each changing the world!  "her children shall rise up and call her blessed."