unsung heroes

today is military spouse appreciation day, and i would be remiss if i didn't take a moment and lend my blog to recognize those that serve alongside all of us who signed that dotted line and raised our hand.  a few days ago, i wrote a letter to my sons in honor of the month of the military child.  it seems unfair to have a whole month dedicated to military children, but only a day to the military spouse.  it is a very difficult job, and one that few understand.  you can watch every single episode of "army wives" and think that you understand the life of a military spouse, but unless you've lived it, you cannot understand it.  i've attempted to write a job description below for a military spouse, for those who live it, and for those who may be considering it.  feel free to add in the comments anything that i've missed.

wanted:
men and women to serve our country as military spouses.  must be willing to work on little or no pay, as you will likely not have a chance to have a career of your own.  your pay will be what the government pays your spouse, and you will be expected to live off of the salary our congress, most of whom have never served a day of their lives, feel is sufficient.  you will be expected to move away from everything you have known, as well as leaving family and friends behind, to go and occupy a house that isn't yours in a town or country that you likely have never been to.  most of these towns will be military towns, meaning that they will be rife with military culture, and very little culture of their own.  businesses that cater to the military will be the norm, and expect to see lots of bars, strip clubs, and barbers.  expect the local businesses to claim to support the military, but be wary of their practices, as they are known for preying upon unknowing military spouses.

you will be expected to learn a new language, as you adapt to the military environment and speech.  you will learn the phonetic alphabet, and the various acronyms that apply to your spouse's unit, only to have to learn new ones when they are pcs'd (relocated) to another unit.  you will have to learn uniforms, ranks, and where your spouse sits in the chain of command.  you will be expected to attend military functions, and display the proper courtesies to those of higher rank than your spouse.  you will learn to read an les, and to know how much money your spouse is supposed to be paid.  you will become very familiar with legal documents such as powers of attorney and wills.  you will be given an id, one that you must keep up with, for it will be your means to access base facilities, as well as medical care at the military treatment facilities.

once you have assimilated to your spouse's new assignment, you will have to learn to make friends quickly, and learn to say goodbye to those same friends just as quickly.  you will constantly be surrounded by strangers, and you will have to learn to network to learn your environment.  you will need to find mentors that can help you navigate your constantly changing environment, and in turn, you will be expected to mentor others who are new to the area or the military.  you will likely be expected to be active in the family readiness group of your spouse's unit.  these can be tricky environments where many spouses try to wear the rank of their military member, and can be very political.

your spouse will deploy.  this is a given.  the number of deployments you are expected to endure will vary based upon your spouse's mos, rank, and unit.  deployments are difficult, and you must be ready to take on an inordinate amount of responsibility in a short amount of time with little to no notice.  you will be expected to manage a home, be the family accountant, ensuring that all bills in each of your names are paid on time, because failing to do so can affect your spouse's clearance and possibly career.  you will be responsible for upkeep of the house, including the exterior lawn responsibilities.  you will likely be responsible for the maintenance and upkeep of not only the family vehicle, but your spouse's as well.

if you decide to have children, you will be expected to take on both the roles of mother and father for your children during deployments and training.  you will have to dry tears as they cry in bed at night wondering when their mother or father is coming home.  you will have to try to explain many of life's difficult moments to them, including puberty, dating, loss, death, and any other topic that comes up.  you will have to help with homework, all the while trying to plan and prepare a meal with little or no help, then get the kids in bed so that you have time to yourself to get done the household chores that have built up during the business of the day.  you will go days without a shower, makeup, or shaving.  you will have to get up each morning, despite exhaustion, and get the kids and yourself ready for school and yourself ready for your day.  you will get no breaks from the children, as you will have them seven days a week until your spouse returns, and even after they return you will be expected to take care of them as your spouse adjusts to returning home.

all of this is to be done while dreading every phone call from an unknown number, every unexpected knock on the door, and every news story that mentions your spouse's location or unit.  you will be expected to sacrifice your spouse, or at best, your spouse's mental stability.  you will have to navigate the difficulties of the wounds of war, both seen and unseen.  the person that you married, is likely to not be the same person you are married to five, ten, or twenty years from now.

this is not an easy job, but it is a critical one.  your faithfulness can directly affect not only your spouse, but others in their unit as well.  your support can mean the difference between a successful marriage and career, or divorce and ruined lives.  if you endure, you will be stronger than any of your civilian counterparts, and you will have made a difference in the freedoms we enjoy as americans.  so choose well.  it is not an easy life, but it can be a rewarding one.  and make no mistake, you will be a hero, one without medals, certificates, or awards.  one without uniforms, training, or recognition.  but you will have a unit, the order of the military spouse.  you will join with your fellow spouses, and together, you will make history.