hi, pot. i'm kettle. gee, you're black!

there's a famous quote that says, "the greatest single cause of atheism in the world today, is CHRISTians, who acknowledge Jesus with their lips, and then walk out of the door and deny Him by their lifestyle.  that is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelievable."  as you read that statement, i want you to think about the controversial topic of gay marriage.  everyone is up in sorts trying to stop gay marriage from being the law of the land, desperately clinging to the disappearing reality of the united states being a CHRISTian nation.  there are those that would argue that we were never a CHRISTian nation to begin with, but even if we were at one time a nation of CHRISTians who used biblical principles to frame our government (which I think is a better description,) that is obviously no longer the case.  i have written previous blog posts alluding to, and actually stating the reason why this is the case, so that is not the purpose of this post.

nietzsche once said, "he who fights monsters should look to it that he does not become a monster himself."  while there are few other things with which i agree with nietzsche, he had a good point here.  whenever we decide on a new vice to go after, we begin to vilify those who practice whatever this particular vice may be.  while it is very easy and arguably justifiable to vilify those who commit sins that bring harm to the innocent, because they are villains in the strictest sense of the word, we have delved into vilifying those who simply engage in behaviour we are disgusted by or find offensive, despite the fact that it mainly brings no harm to us, but primarily those that practice it.  among those who claim CHRISTianity, the latest vilification in the "us versus them" battle is on those who practice homosexuality, specifically gay marriage advocates.  this battle has brought out some of the ugliest behaviour i have seen among those who call themselves followers of CHRIST, going so far as name-calling, pronouncing judgment as if we were God Himself, and even personal attacks on others, and definitely nothing that i would classify as loving or merciful.  however, it is said that before you point the finger, check the three that are pointing back at you.  in the realm of marriage and relationships, we need to ask ourselves as professing CHRISTians how we rate in that arena.  more importantly, we need to ask ourselves if gay marriage is the problem, or merely a symptom of the problem.  i postulate the latter, but to prove that point, some facts need to be brought to light.

first is the increasingly sexual nature of society.  in the 1960s, the free love movement took hold in the western world.  prior to that movement, sex was something that was kept out of the public light, and premarital and extramarital sex were considered taboo.  with their "love the one you're with" mantra, sex became something that was no longer seen as sacred and holy and restricted to the bonds of  matrimony.  the pornography industry was thrust out of the shadows of back alley bars and into the forefront with magazines like playboy, which led from strict nudity to more hardcore fare such as larry flynt's hustler and penthouse magazines.  and today, rather than embarrassment over sin, hollywood champions the hook-up culture, teen pregnancy, and other forms of even more deviant sexual behaviour with various forms of electronic entertainment aimed at normalizing these behaviours.  what's more is that sex is now seen as a base behaviour centered around instinct devoid of any emotional or spiritual connection.  we have even made abortions and std treatments readily available to teens without parental consent to deal with the consequences of their behaviour.  while we should expect nothing less from a fallen world, the percentage of those who identify themselves as CHRISTians that find nothing wrong with this behavior is staggering.  an increasing number of those claiming CHRISTianity today (among both conservative and liberal denominations) find nothing wrong with living with a love interest before marriage (one recent poll was 57%).  there are even those professing CHRISTianity that have twisted Scripture to say that it never condemns premarital sex or even adultery!  and then we have the audacity to act surprised when they take it one step farther to say that Scripture never forbade homosexuality.  moreover, the church made the subject of sex so taboo, and didn't explain the joys and benefits of sex within a covenant marriage relationship, resulting in teens that didn't have a biblical worldview of sexuality and the forbidden fruit of sex became that much more enticing.  it was the equivalent of putting a sign on a button that says, "do not push," without an explanation why, and all the while our rebellious nature screams at us, "push it!"  the church has made some good strides in the sexuality topic with abstinence training, but they still treat the sex topic as taboo and tiptoe around the issue instead of giving kids real talk on a biblical approach to sex to counter what they are being taught in the schools.  it's the "God says don't do it," talk, without the explanation why.  believe it or not, God's plan has a practical application, and our kids need to hear the why.  instead, we are letting the world teach our kids their view of sex, whether that is through the schools or through their peers.  this is also wreaking havoc within marriages as newly married couples who have saved themselves for marriage have trouble with freely communicating and enjoying sex within marriage because they feel guilty because they were told it was bad for so many years prior to marriage, that it is now a source of shame for them, and not intimacy and freedom within marriage.  so the marriage turns into a "sexless marriage," which is defined as having sex 12 times or less in a year, which leads to infidelity or divorce, which leads me to the next reason.  

secondly, there is our abysmal marriage success rate within the church.  i recently read a statistic that actually said that church members actually have a higher divorce rate than those outside the church!  divorce used to be one of those hush-hush topics that nobody spoke about except in whispers, and now it has become accepted and commonplace within the church.  i was youth pastor at a church, and had a middle school youth ask for prayer for her parents because they were going through a divorce and she felt like it was her job to hold them together.  i explained to her that it was not her responsibility, but her parents, and that her parents would have to answer to God for their decision (i knew their situation and it was simply a divorce of convenience) and that i would gladly pray for her as she went through this trying time.  her mom came up to me after church and said, "i heard what you said about divorce, and i think that you should have emphasized the forgiveness for the parents," to which i replied, "i've talked extensively about forgiveness, and the youth know that all sins can and will be forgiven with repentance."  she then went on to say, "well, you just make it seem like the parents are wrong."  i looked at her in shock and said, "you are!  you have no biblical reason for divorcing your husband.  he's not abusive, and hasn't committed adultery.  in fact, he wants to work on the marriage, but you decided you weren't happy and another person has made you happy so you are divorcing him so that you can go after this other guy!  paul said God forbid it if we sin thinking that we can get more grace."  she did not like that answer and told the pastor, and instead of supporting what Scripture said, he responded that i needed to be more tactful in my answers!  we have conceded defeat in the marriage battle, and the sexual sin battle.  i've heard people justify their affairs by saying that they had married the wrong person and God had brought them the right one, so they had God's permission to fix their mistake!  i wish i could say i was kidding, but i'm not.  granted, there are circumstances where abuse and adultery are present, and the offended has the biblical right to divorce, although it's not God's ideal.  most divorces are caused by one of three main issues:  adultery, addiction, or abuse.  but what are the majority of our marriage courses on?  communication.  we as a church have failed to address the root cause of the issue, and we treat broken people like pariahs and we wonder why they don't trust the church with their serious personal and marital problems such as addiction, adultery, or abuse.   

so if Scripture rings true, and we cannot point out another's flaws until we accept and fix our own, then we have no moral high ground to judge the sins of others.  that is not to say that we shouldn't stand firm on the principles of Scripture, but when we look at the state of marriage in our society today, we have nobody to blame but ourselves!  society looked at the very CHRISTian institution of marriage and sex, and found our portrayal of it lacking, our practice hypocritical, and went looking for other ways to meet the need for companionship.  our sons and daughters have grown up without father and mother figures in their homes, and they went looking for that opposite sex and same sex companionship and approval in the world instead of in the home.  what we are left with, is the current state of society.

to exacerbate the problem, churches have so watered down Scripture and had youth programs that had very little depth, if any, and were nothing more than glorified babysitting programs.  so our youth left the church with no Scriptural grounding, and when they got into the world, it became very easy to twist Scripture into what they wanted it to say, to fit what they were being taught outside the church by their peers and society.

can we go back?  doubtful.  we as sheltered americans, having come of age during the "moral majority," think that our society is the worst that has ever lived.  however, a study of the corinthian society in biblical times reveals a society far more decadent than ours is now.  and this was the city in which paul established a church and wrote two letters to, because of the sexual decadence within the church!  so instead of condemning people, we need to reach out, and as i've said before, allow CHRIST to save them and change them.  because here's the thing, sexual sin is sexual sin before God, whether it's hetero or homo.  and if you are lusting after a person that isn't your spouse, you are guilty of sexual sin and you are placed in the same boat as the adulterers and fornicators and homosexuals.  we are all sinners before God, in need of a Saviour, for if we've broken one law, we're guilty of breaking the whole of the law.  one sin is not worse than another (despite the claims i have heard by CHRISTians who say that homosexuality is worse because it's called an abomination, when in fact, there are a plethora of sins Scripture calls abominations), and only one sin is listed as unforgivable, which is blasphemy of the Holy Spirit.  so instead of sitting at your computer and typing facebook posts targeted at those "evil, filthy, disgusting homosexuals," how about checking yourself first, and then when you are without sin, you may cast the first stone.  and if a fellow brother or sister in CHRIST is struggling with homosexuality, or any other sexual sin for that matter, (yes, CHRISTians can struggle with sexual sin just like everyone else, including homosexuality,) instead of condemning them or shaming them, lovingly point out what Scripture says, and then follow the model of church discipline if necessary (which is designed to bring about reconciliation and not condemnation.)    otherwise you are part of the problem, and not the solution, and you should just either repent or go back to your church and sit in the pew and say, "God, thank You that i am not like those evil sinners!" and stay out of the public forums.  if you have removed and kept the logs and specks out of your eye, then you can help to remove the specks out of brothers and sisters in CHRIST.  moreover, when it comes to those that are lost, stand on biblical principles, but do it with humility and with love and grace instead of with judgment and condemnation.  if you need an example, look at the Saviour, who frequently ate and spent time with sinners.  they flocked to Him because He didn't judge and condemn them, but loved them despite their sin, and those who were the recipients of that love firsthand despite their sin repented and embraced His forgiveness.  He also loved us despite our sin, and when we truly saw His face, and realized our condition before Him and the depths of His mercy and grace, repentance came naturally.  and like paul said, if any does not receive the truth, don't waste your time casting pearls before swine, but shake the dust from off your heels as you leave.  in other words, agree to disagree, and stop trying to be the Holy Spirit, because you are not good at it, and the position is taken.