sacrificial lambs

april is the month of the military child, and i didn't want the month to pass by without acknowledging the unsung heroes of the military:  the children of service members.  my 8-year-old said the other day that he hated the navy.  and who can blame him?  when i think of all the things he has had to sacrifice, i would probably feel the same way.  but our government seems to think that military families have it easy, and are over-compensated for our service, because "they signed up for this."  so i want to take a moment and write a letter to my three amazing sons, to thank them for their sacrifices, and to let them know that just because society and their country doesn't seem to remember them, i do.

to the greatest sons a dad could ask for,

as i sit behind a computer on a ship thousands of miles and hundreds of hours away from you, on my third deployment in three years, my heart hurts.  when i became your dad, my life changed in ways i never thought possible.  i only thought that i knew how much a person could love one human being until God blessed me with the three of you.  there were things that i wanted for you, and i finally understood why my dad worked so hard all those years to give us a better life than he had.  however, the navy has challenged that desire, and i sit here thinking of all the sacrifices you make on a daily basis that go unnoticed by society, and my heart hurts for you.  sure, i miss you, as every mom and every dad that has ever deployed misses their children.  and my heart hurts because i miss you, but i hurt more when i think about what you have to go through so that i can serve our country, and most importantly, our God.

you didn't sign up for this life.  your mom did, because i was in the military already when we got married, so she knew what she was doing when she said, "i will marry you and follow you wherever you go."  but you didn't have that luxury.  you were born into a life that only 1% of our nation will ever sign up for.  you didn't get to say, "can we talk about this and what it will mean for our family?"  the military has been a part of your life since you were born.  while other children got to watch their dads go to jobs and come home every day, you had to watch your dad leave one weekend a month and a couple of weeks out of the year wearing a uniform.  then, the navy called us up to active duty, and the military became a daily, permanent fixture in your lives.  you grew up to the sounds of gunfire while you played outside.  you grew up seeing tanks crossing the road and military aircraft flying overhead, all the while being acutely aware of the guns that were on those vehicles and what those guns meant.  society gives you too little credit and says that you are not old enough to understand, but you do.  you understand that moms and dads go away to fight wars with those guns, and have similar guns pointed back at them.  you went to school with friends whose dads didn't come home from those wars, and those that did, came back different people.  while other kids out in town played war, it took on a different meaning for you.  while they were concerned with what the latest style of clothes to wear happened to be, you were hearing bits and pieces of news stories about the area your dad was in.  i will never forget when g went forward in our church as a nine-year-old boy and asked for prayer for me, because he heard from another kid at school that we were in a dangerous area and about to fire missiles, and he didn't want his dad to be in danger or to have to fire missiles at people.  you've had to grow up far too early, and a part of your childhood has forever been taken, and for that i am sorry.

you've had to endure months without a dad around as deployment after deployment seemed to roll around, and dad was once again packing a sea bag in the living room with uniforms and other military accoutrements as your heart sank, knowing that you were about to be a boy without a dad for six to nine months or longer.  you've had to smile and try to be strong at dinner tables, knowing that in a few hours, dad would get on a bus or a ship and leave.  you sat and watched other boys whose dads were able to coach their ball teams, and were cheering them on at their ball games, not knowing if your dad even knew if you had a ball game.  well, i did, and your mom kept me updated on how you did in the ball games.  she even sent me pictures, so i could be proud of you and cheer you on from the other side of the world.  while other dads got to teach their boys to play catch, you were stuck throwing a ball up in the air outside, learning to catch it yourself.  you are blessed in having a mom who is athletic, and could teach you some of those sorts of things, but trying to take care of three boys left her with limited time, so you've adapted and figured out things on your own.

deployments are only part of what you've had to endure as military sons.  while other kids have friends that they grew up with, you've had to pack up all of your toys and all of your belongings and move every two or three years.  just when you start to make friends, you've had to endure the heartbreak of saying goodbye to those friends time and time again, as the military moved them away, or it moved you away.  you've adapted to changing environments, learning new house layouts, struggled with learning to sleep in a new house with new sounds and new smells.  you've gone from small yards, to big yards; from parks behind your house, to being in a neighborhood where the closest park is a few blocks away.  you've adapted to and learned eight new schools between the three of you, and will learn and adapt to many more.  you've been dozens of hours away from grandparents, and never had one area that you can call a "hometown."  for you, home is where your family is, and your long-time friends are each other.

you've endured holidays away from family, holidays and birthdays without dad there, and cried yourself to sleep at night because you missed and were worried about your dad.  while mom has been able to email me on a daily basis, you have been limited to the occasional email and a five-minute phone call every couple of weeks.  you've learned to get along without me, and i must admit, it hurts.  you've done it because you have to, and you are stronger because of it, but i never wanted you to have to navigate the rites of childhood without me.  i would give anything to be there beside you as you learned to hold a bat, or felt the defeat of being sat on the bench.  this is not the life i wanted for you, but it's the life we've had to endure.

i do what i do because God has called me to take care of those who serve our country.  while you may not understand it now, what we do helps to keep you safe and free in the greatest country in the world.  the pay that the military gives me helps to keep a nice roof over our head, and healthy food on our plates.  our profession is a noble one, and when we signed our names on that dotted line and raised our hands and took the oath, we were doing it for you.  there are those in this world that do not like our way of life, and would gladly come in and try to destroy it, were it not for us.  so when you look at your friends at a ball game or at school, know that they are able to enjoy this life because of what your dad does, but most importantly, because of what you give up so that i could do what i do.  so when you feel like you don't fit it, it's because you don't.  that is a hard reality, but the people in your schools and on your ball teams will never understand what it is like to be you.  and you can hold your head high, knowing that your sacrifice makes their lives possible.

i couldn't ask for three stronger, more amazing sons.  you guys make me proud on a daily basis, and i look forward to the time when i can be home beside you, and can once again be part of your daily lives.  but most importantly, i look forward to our navigating the waters of our ever changing life together.  i look forward to the adventures that we will have in the future as we explore new places, make new friends, and see new things.  did you know that you have lived and will live in more cities than the number of states the average person has visited?  so thank you for your many sacrifices, my precious sons.  i only hope and pray that you will one day understand what it is i do and why i do it, and that you will not hold it against me, but rather it will be a source of pride for you as you hold your head up and realize that you are the true heroes of our nation.  and while people might not have recognized you as a hero, it's because you had a secret identity that only your mom and dad knew.

i love you more and more every day, and i am counting down the days until we are reunited.  until then, keep your chin up and know that i am praying for you from afar, and soon we will be together again.

love,
dad