HWQ

one of the most interesting words found in the old testament in terms of relationships is the word HWQ (pronounced kah-wah,) and is found in the book of ecclesiastes.  the literal meaning of the word is three-stranded cord, and the actual verse says “a three-stranded cord is not easily broken.”  the verse itself is referring to a relationship with another person, and is many times used to refer to a marital relationship. 

the physics behind this concept is simple.  when two cords are twisted together to make a bigger cord, an interesting thing happens when a load is placed upon it.  the two cords start to come untwisted, and each strand will bear the full weight of that load individually, thereby weakening the total weight capacity of the cord.  however, when three strands are braided together to make a cord, when a load is placed upon that cord, each of the strands pulls closer to each other, and essentially forms one cord and the weight of that load is distributed throughout the total cord, making it much harder to break.  

the three strands of the cord represent the two people involved in the relationship, with God as the third strand.  this upcoming anniversary will be the first one i have missed in our 13 years of marriage.  until now, all of my deployments, trainings, and times away with the navy, have all been timed to where i have been able to be home in time for my anniversary.  during this time away, i have been thinking a lot about the past. for those of you that haven’t known us that long (we have an over 20 year history together,) we have a very unique story that goes all the way back to 9^th grade.  

i met my bride when she moved to clarksdale from chicago in the 9^th grade.  i was blown away by this blue-eyed, long-haired beauty that thought it was appropriate to wear shorts in 50 degree weather, and went home and told my mom that i had met the most beautiful girl i had ever seen!  i chased her for a while, content to be friends with her for the time being, and a strong friendship developed.  i have always argued that guys are friends with girls for one of two reasons:  because they like them and are hoping for a chance, or because they are truly friends and are content with things staying that way.  truthfully, this relationship was both.  i was content to have her as my best friend, but was more than happy to entertain any romantic feelings she might have had toward me.  we were inseparable.  where you found one of us, the other was usually close by, and we were happy.  however, a kiss on a choir tour bus (which we refer to as the “accident”) changed all of that, and we started dating.  this went on for a year, until a significant change happened.  i was a professing CHRISTian at the time, and she was also.  but when CHRIST actually spoke to her and she actually accepted Him as Saviour, things between us began to change a bit.  my focus was on the relationship, hers began to be on CHRIST.  i had raised her to the position of a functional god, and had even started saving up money for an engagement ring (without telling my parents because i didn’t want to hear a lecture, even though it would have been right!)   

realizing my overly important focus on the relationship, she started pulling away, and eventually broke up with me.  at the time i was devastated, and had a very rough year following the break-up.  however, God in His providence used that time to show me that i was indeed lost, and had a form of religion, but did not have CHRIST.  and CHRIST called me to repentance, and i repented and accepted Him as Saviour and things began to change for me.  

well, long story short, God would end up bringing my bride and i back together after different colleges, different states, and seven years apart, and this time, it was different.  we both agreed that CHRIST should be the center of our relationship, and it has made all the difference.  if we would have gotten married all those years ago, we probably would have ended up divorced after a year or two.  but now, we have something that is truly unique and special, and have come through quite a bit as a married couple.  the vows that couples say during a wedding, have been an accurate description of our marriage.  we’ve had better times, and worse times, times so bad that it seemed as if we weren’t going to make it.  we’ve had health, but also plenty of sickness (we've gotten way more than our money's worth out of our health insurance!)  we’ve been financially stable, and have been poor enough that we had to suck up pride and move back in with parents due to unemployment or under employment.  there have been plenty of opportunities to cheat without getting caught, as deployments can bring, and many service members succumb to that temptation and end up in my office.  the thing that has made all the difference though, is having CHRIST at the center of our relationship, and honoring our commitment not only to each other, but to Him as well.  and part of having CHRIST, is the family that you are born into when you accept Him.  there have been times where our families, both biological and spiritual, have stepped in to counsel us during times of difficulty, which has been an invaluable resource that CHRIST has used.  it hasn’t been easy, but our three-stranded cord, our HWQ, has not broken.  that is not to say it can’t be broken, because to do so would be arrogant, and love does not boast in itself.  

in that cord, if one of the strands decides to go it on their own, and starts pulling away, they begin to bear the brunt of the load on their own, and they will break before the other two, leaving a weakened cord to carry the load.  it is a sad thing to see.  one of the greatest lies that I have ever heard in marriage counseling, is that they felt like God was telling them that they deserved to be happy and that they needed to get out of their marriage because they weren’t happy.  mind you, these were not cases of abuse or neglect, but simply because life’s strain had taken a toll on their marriage and that person decided that they could better do it on their own.  sometimes, it was both parties pulling away from CHRIST, and no matter how much they tried to save the marriage, they would break.  so remember, during those times of difficulty, instead of pulling away from your spouse, or pulling away from CHRIST, choose instead to seek His face, and to cling tighter to your spouse, and the three of you together can remain strong in the midst of life’s strain.