her

some 25 years ago, a beautiful blue-eyed brunette walked into my life, and i have never been the same since.  25 years really gives you a chance to get to know someone.  and the more you get to know and love someone as wonderful as my bride, the greater the torture when you are separated from that person.  however, if the military has taught me one thing, it's to pay attention to the little things.  everyone automatically assumes that all us guys really miss about being home with our wives is the sex.  oh, they may not say it, but it's in all the jokes, and a lot of us will go along with the jokes.  but the truth is, that is only a tiny piece of what i miss about my bride.

i begin missing my bride in the mornings, when reveille is sounded and i roll over in my coffin of a rack (they are called coffin racks for a reason, and for somebody claustrophobic like me, it is definitely uncomfortable!)  i roll over, expecting to see the soft, peaceful face of my bride that i was just dreaming about, and all i see is a white metal wall.  my spirit immediately crushed, i force myself to roll out of my rack onto the floor (because it is right on the floor and the only way to get in and out is to roll) and i sleepily get up and get dressed and walk to the wardroom for breakfast.  as i walk in, there is coffee brewing, and i miss my bride's morning cup of coffee in her pitcher-sized mugs that i prepare for her every morning because i love to see her sleepy smile when i bring it up, with just the right amount of her caramel macchiato creamer and one cube of ice so it isn't too hot to drink.  i then miss the smell of her hair as i lean forward and kiss her on the forehead and tell her good morning.  as i'm eating breakfast, i miss being able to look over and see her in her shorts and tank top with her hair pulled up into a messy ponytail as she fixes herself a bowl of her cereal, provided the boys haven't eaten it all.

as i walk out of the wardroom and downstairs to my morning meeting to begin my workday, i miss seeing her as i leave for work in the mornings as she is giving the boys hugs as the bus is pulling up, and i linger behind for the last hug and goodbye kiss that helps get me through my day.  after the plethora of morning meetings, i find time to jump on the computer, and being 7 hours ahead, she is fast asleep, so i miss seeing my morning texts and emails from her about what she has planned for the day and then as the day goes on, what the plans for the afternoon are once i get home.  i then go to workout, because pt is part of your day in the military, and as i grab my phone and turn it on to open the music app, i see our picture, the one of us kissing goodbye as i'm leaving for deployment, and i smile, and want to cry at the same time.  after pt, i get in the shower, and i miss the times that i get out of the shower at home and she's there waiting to get in after me. 

at lunch, i miss being able to call her and just say hello and see how her day is going and to tell her i love her.  after lunch, my office hours begin and i get to listen to people say how much they miss their families and problems they are having with their spouses back home and it all makes me think of my bride and what we have repeatedly throughout the afternoon.  dinner time is really difficult.  as i sit down to dinner at a table full of essentially strangers, i miss sitting down with her after we have tag-teamed preparing dinner.  as i eat my dry chicken and tasteless carrots, i miss her cooking and our talks around the table of what each person's favorite part of the day and least favorite part of the day is.  by now, she's awake back home, and depending on how her day is going, i've maybe gotten to talk to her once or twice on facebook or email, so my thoughts are now wondering what she's doing back home, and hoping her day is going well. 

after dinner, it is now lunchtime or shortly thereafter back home, so i get to talk to her for a few precious moments on facebook, because i only get to call home about once a week.  i hear the stories of how she's doing, and how the boys are doing, and how crazy things are back there, and as chaotic and hectic as it sounds, i miss it.  i want to be there to help more than anything in the world.  as the night wanes on and i have to go write evening prayer and then go up to the bridge to give it over the ship's intercom, i rush back down to my computer to see if she's written.  sometimes we get to talk, but many times we don't because this is when the boys get home and she's busy helping with homework and getting dinner ready, so i simply tell her that i love her and say good night and sign off. 

now comes the most excruciating part of my day.  i get undressed and into my pt gear, because on ship you have to be ready to jump up and throw your coveralls on at a moment's notice, or ready to get up and open the door because the command master chief is knocking on your door at 2 in the morning because a sailor just found out a family member died.  as i roll back into my bed, it is cold and small, and i want nothing more than to roll over and put my arm around my lover and snuggle up behind her warm body and hold her tightly as i drift off to sleep, only, that isn't going to happen for months.  so i lay there and i begin connecting with her the only way i know how, by praying for her.  i pray for her sanity as she deals with three rambunctious boys on a daily basis.  i pray for her health as she deals with all of the sickness that comes with having three boys and their bringing constant germs into the house.  i pray for her strength as she is mom, accountant, grocery shopper, chef, maid, laundromat, dad, baseball coach, grounds keeper, chauffer, and any of the other jobs she has to take care of in my absence.  i pray for her wisdom as she leads our kids and has to answer those tough questions that dad is usually there to answer.  i pray for her relationship with CHRIST, and that she finds time to cultivate that in her hectic schedule.  i pray for our marriage, that God will keep us strong as we endure our separation.  and i drift off to sleep hoping to have a pleasant dream of the two of us doing everyday things, such as riding in the car to a sports practice, or going to walmart together.  at times i wake up from those dreams that are so real that when i open my eyes, i fully expect to be back home in my own bed with her next to me, and when i'm not, i fight back the tears and desperately try to fall back asleep and pick back up where i left off, which rarely ever happens.  only to repeat the same routine the next day and the next, until i'm back home with her where i belong.

so people can make jokes about us missing the sex, but when you love someone, there are so many other things that take precedence.  i miss her eyes that i could get lost in.  i miss the curve of her back and the way my arms line up perfectly with it when i hold her close to me.  i miss her silly dances when she's happy about something.  i miss her laugh at something goofy that my little one has done.  i miss her fussing at me about my piles of random stuff i leave laying around the house, and then saying, "mmm hmm" as i apologize and say i won't do it again.  i miss her breaking out in song for no apparent reason other than it was on pandora earlier in the day and she had it stuck in her head.  i could go on and on, but the simple fact of the matter is, i miss her.  everything about her that makes her, her.  the good and the not so good. 

so tonight, look at your husband or your wife, and give them a big hug and kiss.  start noticing all those little things that you take for granted on a daily basis.  because little things may seem trivial, but believe me, nothing is trivial.  life is in those little things.  and love is in the details.